the problem was within all this time

I have been here and there looking for a woman for a serious relationship, and found one, but i fell into traps of what i thought women wanted because i wanted to find my soulmate and be who I am around her, but truth is that you can only give yourself away in doses.

The problem is that i have been approaching relationships with the alien/unorthodox and haphazard method hoping she would understand, but I have come to the realization that no one in the room understands Russian, so why am i speaking it, my thoughts and body language are undechipherable some times, so it confuses people.

I could have saved a lot of time by reading esquire or some men's magazine along with a psychology textbook because it all comes down to the primal and mechanisms it seems when wooing the opposite sex. the concepts are alien to me, but they obviously worked enough times to land and maintain a relationship for many. 

The biggest lessons i have learned are to have somethings in common, stay faithful, think of her and not yourself, be honest when it suits the occasion, do not share intimacy details with someone else and do not let the woman know too much about you, not come off as desperate, and keep your rage in check perhaps by chanelling it into something positive or let it motivate you to do better.

it seems to me very shallow/cliche, but people are generally shallow/cliche on the outside and all have a logic they function on, so until i find true love again God willing i will play it safe in my search for a woman to share time with. I am going through some problems right now, and am digging myself out, and hopefully this experience i am having serves as a lesson of how to go forward in the future. from here on out I am going to correct my mistakes and find happiness or just fill out that application for mail order bride lol

 going to cobalt in dc or zeigfelds tonight to test myself, discover nightlife again and embrace alcoholic beverages for the sake of a good time. now is time for "fun and sunshine(moonshine), there's enough for everyone. all that's missing is the sea, but don't worry you can sun tan!" (i stole that from a song mostly)